Dear Stephen Sondheim: I dim the lights and think about you.

Stephen Sondheim has written that he owes the construction of Losing My Mind to an imagined collaboration between George Gershwin and Dorothy Fields. I can’t really confess that I hear much of Gershwin in there (even though Sondheim claims it as a near-stenciled theft of The Man I Love). I do, however, hear Fields and her clipped, simplistic, conversational, and highly romantic phrases.
(To my mind, the song is a torchier version of Fields’ Exactly Like You. Both are about heroines who “spend their nights in longing,” to borrow another torchy lyric. In one, Prince Charming shows up. In the other, the wait continues.)
I know why I’ve waited
Know why I’ve been blue
I pray each night for someone
Exactly like you
Compare those (albeit more optimistic) pop lyrics to Sondheim’s homage to Fields:
I dim the lights
And think about you
Spend sleepless nights
To think about you

I have always loved the paralysis implied by Sondheim’s lyrics here: the inescapable routine that Sally (the desperately unhappy housewife at the center of 1971’s Follies) must daily endure. Daily is the operative word here, as the song’s lyrical build comes from its chronology. Sondheim carries us through a twenty-four hour period in Sally’s life, indistinguishable from any other day, in which pining for her bygone lover is all that seems to pass the time. The sun comes up/the coffee cup and then the morning ends/I talk to friends, but all afternoon Sally is fixed on the memory of her great love, thirty years gone.
Repetition works especially well in conveying the fatalism of Sally’s situation, the ceaselessness of her fixation. (And the preposition to instead of and—as in Spend sleepless nights/TO think about you—suggests to me that Sally’s obsession is especially nice. It suggests that Sally’s memories, which volley between grief and obsession, are not interrupting her daily routine. On the contrary, obsession is the only thing giving her life meaning and everything is done in service TO it.)

Nobody does this better than Dorothy Collins, who delicately conveys all of Sally’s pain, and also the ways in which Sally clings to that pain to give her purpose. Sally’s obvious masochism is replaced, in Collins’ hands, by a strange kind of romantic nobility. If the memory is all that she can have, the memory is all that she will have.
I find that most singers get wrapped up in the gorgeous melody and fall prey to making pretty sounds. The song has, over the years, become a standard for cabaret and musical theatre performers, and in the hands of even our greatest singers that is exactly what it sounds like. (Peggy Lee’s might-have-been-awesome rendition is saddled with a hokey Don Sebesky/Al Capps arrangement; Liza Minnelli’s dance version with the Pet Shop Boys is just plain weird; and I have nothing bad to say about Barbara Cook’s exquisite version, except that it has gotten better over time.)
In the context of the show, Sally performs Losing My Mind during an abstract, psychodramatic follies sequence, in which all the main characters explain their existential predicament through theatrical idiom (i.e. a Bert Lahr-ish vaudeville comic turn, a Astaire-y top-hat-and-tails number.) Losing My Mind is meant to evoke the torch songs of the 1930s and 40s, Sally is befitted with a beaded gown and stands in a lone spotlight, suffering exquisitely. It’s a tricky tightrope act, performing a sentiment that is very real indeed.
In the last two New York productions of the show, I found that this concept—the push/pull between erstwhile fantasy and the disappointments of reality—tripped up the actresses who were asked to play both extremes at the same time.
When Victoria Clark finished to thunderous applause at City Center, looking ravishing in a white gown that offset her flowing Veronica Lake hair, I felt that the torch element had swallowed up any indication of who Sally was. Clark landed the breathy phrasing and the sensual tosses of the head, but ended up registering too confidently, as though this man had gotten away, but there would be another the next night.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, in the Roundabout’s 2001 staging, Judith Ivey—looking like a maiden aunt dressed for a wedding—became positively unhinged during the song’s accusatory final lines. You said you loved me/or were you just being kind? It was, to be sure, an interesting choice—watching Sally’s rage bubble up to the surface right there “onstage”—but there are still two songs to go before the follies sequence breaks down and reality intrudes. Ivey is a tremendously gifted actress and, as a feat of emotionality, her rendition was very effective. In the greater context of the show, however, I’m not so sure. (This all has more to do with inept direction and shabby production values, but Ivey is not blameless either.)

Currently, I am watching (over and over, until it’s inevitably removed from YouTube) to Bernadette Peters’ version from the Kennedy Center production of Follies, which begins previews on Broadway August 7. She really walks the perfect line between the torch fantasy of the sequence and the character’s wretched ache. When she takes liberties with the music or seems to get emotional, it’s nothing that an expressive singer like Helen Morgan or a Billie Holliday wouldn’t do. She sings:
All afternoon,
Doing every little chore,
The thought of you stays bright
Sometimes I stand
In the middle of the floor,
And then, possibly more nakedly than it has ever been sung:
Not going left
Not going right
There is none of the nobility I attributed to Dorothy Collins, but a very palpable heartbreak. Peters wrings out every drop of monotony from I think about you, as though her recurring grief has ground her down into listlessness. When she wails You said you loved me, a look of sudden recognition haunts her face. She seems to realize that there is no Ben for her, that there never has been, that Ben never loved her, that he was only saying so. Thirty years have passed Sally by. If she accepts that all her sleepless nights were in vain, then what will she replace them with?

.png)








